those words

...i've picked up and moved on....those dreadful words no one ever wishes to hear in ever in there lives. why cant i? what must i do to feel as happy as she is feeling now? its only been 2 days.......2 days and she has already moved on........i know there wasn't another guy.......i trust her....but why am i taking this far more worse than it already is? i've picked up and moved on.....now i question myself on how happy did i actually make her. i did everything in my power to make her happy. i would of givin her the world. i was going back to school for her.....i was moving into casa grande for her.....i cancled my plans......for her. i am jealous........i am jealous not in a way that guys flirt with her....or the friends she has......im jealous of what i cant give her that someone out there has.

i know what im affraid of....i figured it out last night while i was staring upon the eeg shell ceilings in my room, noticing the smoke make ocean wave like movments untill they stagnate. i am affraid that after i move on and maybe find someone new she will want me back. am i supossed to always be waiting on her clock? hmm.....i need to know the right choice. i dont want to feel this hurt anymore. who do i blame? taylor? duran? myself? i should blame myself.

duran. from what i know about him he is a great guy, working for a good cause...and is in love with a great woman....the same woman i had fallen for over and over again. i hate him.......i shouldn't hate him, i knownothing about him but fine details. why do i hate him? he isn't even dating her.....i dont even know what he looks like but i have dreams about him taking taylor away and there is nothing i can do. maybe i hate the idea of him. im jealous that he is better than me.

enough venting. atleast writing this down is making me sleep a little better. untill tomorrow

self indulgence