recap of the past week

oh man i dont even know where to start or where i had left off.

ok i know.

so taylor decided to stop talking to me for a whole day!!! it may seem like a stupid deal to some people "oh who cares its just a day grow up" but it was killing me!!! i texted her like 4 or 5 times not to seem desperate but when she doesn't talk to me it just makes me miss her so much more. so then when she called me that night she said she is trying to help me.....didnt work...i was super miserable.

so then after her telling me to move on and go find someone else i ignore her. i cant do it. i get a call from laura saying that she wanted to hang out. i told her no.....i just simply wasn't interested......im interested into no one except taylor, her conversations are something else i tell you. the way she kisses.... oh man i melt everytime i touch her lips. and when she jumps on me and when we usually have our legs intertwined like liquorice and feeling her soft skin makes me the happiest man on earth. so im doing my apartment work and i go to school to register and i actually didnt have taylor on my mind all too much and then i get a text.

"i miss you" WHHHHHYYYY!!!!!!!! i knew this was going to happen. so many rushes of emotions are going through my mind. im sad because im happy and im mad because i knew that this was going to happen.....but all i wanted to do is be with her again and love her unconditionally....is that too much to ask?

ok so other news. I GOT THE APARTMENT!!!! im so freaking happy!!! its a 2 bedroom 2 bath 1067 sq ft second floor apt. the place is so nice!!! huge pool heated! big game room, big entertainment room with big flat screen tv! so nice. gated community.

other news. today is saturday now and so many good things and som TERRIBLE things happened today.

so...

its the company christmas party.......and in the morning i was supposed to be mad at taylor but when i got off the phone with her (like usual) i forget what i was even mad about but i still acted like i was (im sorry tay) then she sent me this real cute christmas card she made (i dont know if she made it for me or not but it looked really good) i loved it. so the rest of the day i didnt do much except get the present for the white elephant gift exchange at the party. so i go to the party at 5:30 and its so much fun there i thought it was going to be awkward but it wasn't we played games and i got alot of gifts. and then tay called and i kind of answered but i was in the middle of a game so i didnt really understand what she said. i felt bad. so then she said she was going to starbucks......(oh ya if your reading this a little heads up it gets ugly) so i tried to get out of the party i had to make a big excuse and everything so im going down the road 95 miles an hour in blistering winds and i forgot my glasses and its night out and i get a text saying "im home" OMG! i was so angry!!! i called her and immediatly blamed her "WHAT THE FUCK TAYLOR!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT I HAD TO FUCKING DO TO GET OUT OF THE PARTY!! BLAH BLAH BLAH" {woah dude you just made the worst mistake of your life}

taylor" thats it im breaking up with you"

josh "fine"

taylor "bye"

click

josh "bye!"

josh "hello?"

wth out even listening to her explination (which was that her and her sister sydney's friend troy was picking them up and going to starbucks his girlfriend was there so they had to leave) i blamed her and i was so angry because i was so looking forward to hugging and kissing her and that it couldn't even happen that when she said that we were breaking up i didnt put 2 and 2 together. let me tell you i had never begged and plead and appologized so much in my life

call

no answer

call

no answer

i wanted to break down and cry. i tried but i was yelling at myself for being so stupid!!! i told myself that i would only try to make her happy and what did i end up doing? i made her break up with me and hate me.

long story short i overdrafted my account and bought her flowers and candy to give to her which she never got because she is at home. and after talking with her she didnt break up with me. i still feel terrible for what i did. i didnt mean to blame you i just spoke out too fast.....and i am sorry for getting angry with your friend troy.

i love her. she has changed me so much and its for the better too.