i just did the worst thing ever. i feel like dying. i probably will intentionally do some serious physical pain to myself to break this emotional heart ache. i did this for her. she said she didnt know if she wanted to be with me. i only do these things to make her happy. i have never loved anything, anyone as much as i love her and now she is gone. she was my world. my everything and now i cant keep these tears from falling from my eyes.
my roommate just walked in a laughed at me i dont care.
i did everything for her. kim and sydney did this to us. they both hate me which made our relationship hard to control. and when sydney says things like you should break up with josh that kills me inside. why did i do this!
so like a creep i drove to starbucks. i saw them leave i missed them. i so sorry talor......i want to be with you! i cant live with out you. i dont deserve to be alive......so.....i should do something about it. i would do anything for taylor, i have! i would kill for her....i would die for her.
taylor i know you hate thinking about the future but i wanted to marry you so badly! i wanted to adopt a child with you and have a home in the suburbs and an apartment in the city! i longed to do bills with you and sit at home watching tv on a lazy sunday afternoon. i wanted to grow old with you. and i know thats what you dont want to hear but its the way i have always felt ever since i had fallen in love with you.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
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You have no idea how much I miss you. How much I think about you. When I saw you had a new girl I got SO goddamn angry. The fact that you're moved on and I'm actually stuck here thinking about you constantly is driving me insane.
I came by the pic I took of us that night at Summer's... Flash-backs aren't always a great thing :/
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